the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
3pm strippers are depressing
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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