We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
