I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
