He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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