i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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