I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
pray to the hookup gods
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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