Tell her she can't have a vagina
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize