Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Less talking, more tequila
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
