btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
