we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
