He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
