So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
