Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're using joints as your birthday candles
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
