Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
