So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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