i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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