i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
