kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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