do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
