We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize