Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
