Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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