i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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