matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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