I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
