I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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