remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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