3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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