Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
