I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
