A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
