I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
