I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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