new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
