like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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