The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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