remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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