he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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