Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
