So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
