Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's Friday. Sex?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
