Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
