When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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