There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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