Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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