i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
