Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
