walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
