It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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