Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
