I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
