Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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