You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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