Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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