Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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