Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I won the penis lottery.
The best revenge is premature balding
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
