i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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