why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
