a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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