Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i believe in u and ur pee
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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