I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
