Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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