...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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