Where did you get a picture of my penis
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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