we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
