All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
