Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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