you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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