i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
