We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How external is "for external use only"?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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