The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
